Reviews: Hansel and Gretel, Parker

January 25, 2013 2:42:10 PM PST
The studio releasing "Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters" was so ashamed of the movie critics weren't allowed to see it until last night and having suffered through a screening of this worthless piece of trash I can certainly understand why those involved were so embarrassed by it.

We're not supposed to take all this campy violence seriously, but the movie plays more stupid than funny and seeing it on a big I-Max screen in 3-D makes a bad movie worse by exaggerating its flaws.

The brother and sister from the fairy tale have been re-imagined as witch hunters looking to find lost children, captured and held by Famke Jannssen.

"Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters" has sat on the shelf for a year while the studio figured out a good time to dump it on an unsuspecting public.

Jeremy Renner has become a big star since he made this movie so he's earned the right to be free of a movie like this, which for an actor and an audience is a form of imprisonment.


Jason Stratham is "Parker" - a crook with principals out for revenge against business associates who are even more unscrupulous than he is. Jennifer Lopez plays a real estate agent desperate to earn her 1st commission in tony Palm Beach.

I've liked his previous movies and underneath her J-Lo persona is a compelling actress. There are flashes of brilliance here, but both of them are trapped caught in a bad movie with not enough action and an adventure that too often makes no sense.

How bad is "Parker"? The studio releasing it gave us just two clips. I guess they figured the less said or shown about it, the better.

Another movie, a series of gags featuring celebrities like Hugh Jackman and Richard Gere, is apparently so bad the studio releasing "Movie 43" didn't want to show it to me.

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