Sandy Kenyon reviews "Pacific Rim: Uprising"
Mid-March is probably too early to declare a movie "the worst of the year," but I can't imagine any other picture this year will be as bad as "Pacific Rim: Uprising."
This orgy of destruction left me numb and made my head ache.
The only relief from the pointless pummeling came when I howled with laughter at dialogue that is supposed to be serious -- but instead seems ludicrous:
"Cadets you better gear up," says Scott Eastwood, son of actor Clint Eastwood.
He looks a bit like the old man: He has the same mouth, face shape, and sounds like him too, but he lacks the amount of charisma that made dad a superstar.
Scott's limitations as an actor drag down everyone around him, including John Boyega.
He is very talented, as his two "Star Wars" movies clearly demonstrate, but it's doubtful even the best actor in the world could elevate this monster movie.
The world is threatened by the Kaiju, who were vanquished in the first "Pacific Rim" but return to fight robots known as Jaegers.
These giant machines (some at least 10 stories tall!) are built and operated by humans. Pilots work in tandem by fusing their minds.
Young characters are here to draw millennials and "Pacific Rim: Uprising" seems calibrated to 'travel well' (as Hollywood likes to say), meaning it will draw millions of moviegoers in Asia.
Think of this as a business deal that has been filmed: a contract with moviegoers on the losing end of the bargain -- and trust me, any spreadsheet is going to be more interesting.
Most of the time, getting paid to watch movies is a great job, but when the film I must review is as bad as the "Pacific Rim" sequel, being a critic seems less like a lark and more like a tough task. Tough, and tedious too!
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